


Project Freelancer: Truth or Dare

by GinnyBadWolf



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Basically this is South-appropriate language, Crack, Don't read around little kids, F/M, Humor, Mostly humor and a little angst and a little more fluff, SO MUCH LANGUAGE, Some shippy but mostly friendship, okay, so many bad words, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 07:51:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6896455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GinnyBadWolf/pseuds/GinnyBadWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One fateful night, North, South, and York come up with a wonderful and terrible idea. Madness ensues, and things on the Mother of Invention will never be the same again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It all started with one conversation.

North and York were sitting in the couch, playing video games nonchalantly. York was only playing with one hand, and North wasn’t even looking at the screen. Both sighed, at the same time - they were bored. Well, not exactly - they were more like Bored with a capital B.

They both turned when the door opened, and then turned back to the game upon seeing South coming through the door, with a grumpy expression on her face. She watched them in silence for a second, and then: “I am so fucking bored. You shitheads gonna do something fun, or are we gonna lie around all night?” North sighed, and began to reprimand her.

“South, you shouldn’t talk like tha-” South scoffed and interrupted.   
  
“Yeah, yeah, don’t fucking talk like that, South, I’m your perfect cockfaced older brother.” Her voice was high and nasal. York snorted, and then started to talk.

“I am getting kind of bored. Could do with a couple of drinks, get the others over, we could have some fun.” He stretched and tossed his controller on the couch, watching nonchalantly as his character got ruthlessly blown up by the simulation characters.

North sighed, and then turned off the game and threw his controller too. “Yeah, I could go for that.” South smirked.

“Finally, getting off our asses over here. York, you go get Carolina and Tex. I’m getting Wash and Maine. North, you can try and get CT and Wyoming. And we are playing Truth or Dare, motherfuckers!” She cackled. North groaned.

“South, do we have to? We’re all going to die, knowing you and knowing literally everyone else here.” She sneered, and disregarded his complaints. North sighed, but got up and went out the door, followed by York, who looked slightly nervous at the prospect of convincing the two most serious, stick-up-their-asshole bitches in the whole universe to play goddamn Truth or Dare. Especially because he was in love with one and the other could kick his ass halfway to the sun.

York and North went down the hallway until there was a turn, where they would both separate to go to their respective people. North turned to York, saluted him, and ran the hell away.

York walked down the hall, rubbing his hands together. “Let’s make some magic.”

He waited only a moment to fluff up his hair and straighten his shirt, and then knocked on Carolina’s door. She opened it, a foul expression on her face, but it softened when she saw him. York’s eyes lit up - she was happy to see him. Talking in the most suave voice he could muster, he started to convince her (in a very sexy way, he hoped). “So, we’re getting everyone together to play a little round of Truth or Dare. You in?” She thought for a second.

“Oh, what the hell. I was bored anyway.” York smiled.

“You’re in a good mood today. Was it something in the water, or am I just looking extra sexy right now?” He noticed the slight blush that rose to her cheeks, but she trained her expression with a serious look.

“Shut up, now let’s go play some Truth or Dare.” When he smirked, she did too. “I can give you as many laps as I want tomorrow.” He lost the smirk.

“Well, first we have to go get Tex.” She frowned. “What? It’ll be funny to watch her dare other people.” She looked apprehensive, but nodded and walked past him down to the gym where she knew Tex would be.

When they got there, Tex was throwing violent punches at a punching bag. And although it didn’t need to be, her armor was still on. She turned towards them, and threw one last punch at the punching bag before walking over to where they stood. “What to do you want?” She growled.

York put his hands up. “Hey, just gonna ask if you wanna play Truth or Dare with the rest of us.” Tex scoffed.

“Yeah, right. No way am I hanging out with the rest of you fucktards.” York shrugged, and turned to leave, but Carolina stayed put.

“I dare you.” She said. Tex looked at her inquisitively. “I dare you to play Truth or Dare with us.” Tex didn’t move. With a ghost of a smile gracing her lips, she continued. “Can’t turn down a dare.”

Tex stayed still for a moment, and then: “God damnit.” She shoved past where York was standing still a couple of feet away, an amused expression on his face, and stormed out the door. York raised an eyebrow at Carolina, and then burst out into a fit of very un-sexy giggles.

  
Carolina sighed, and grabbed his arm to lead him back to the lounge, where the rest of the Freelancers would surely be waiting for them.

She dragged him down the hall, his giggles floating down the halls and causing more than a few people to stick their heads out of the rooms that they were in and watched their extremely dignified journey down the hall, Tex stomping through and thoroughly terrifying everyone, followed by Agent Carolina dragging a giggling York. Everyone sighed, and then turned back to what they were doing.

When they did reach the Freelancer lounge, everyone else was waiting. North and Wash were talking in the corner, Wyoming and Maine were just hanging out, South was playing a videogame, and CT was nowhere to be seen.   
  
South set down her controller. “Finally! You guys were taking fucking forever.” Tex sighed.

“Let’s get this shit over with.” South looked at Tex skeptically, and then questioned her.

“Why are you still in your armor? Everyone I know would be glad to have a chance to take it off.” Tex looked around and shrugged.

“It’s comfortable. Besides, Wash has his helmet on too.” Indeed, Wash was still wearing his helmet, but nothing else. Everyone turned to him, and he looked a little uncomfortable under all of the stares.

“What? I don’t like taking it off that much, anyway... and, also I want to record it whenever you guys do something stupid!” North and York shook their heads and chuckled, but left the poor guy alone. Everyone else turned back to Tex, who was sitting in a chair in the corner.

The rest of the chairs were arranged in a circle, and slowly everyone picked out a chair in the circle and sat down. Tex spoke up. “Well, I’m asking first.” South narrowed her eyes.

“Why do you get to go first?”

“Because Carolina fucking dared me to play, that’s the only reason I’m here. Now shut up and let me think.” After a moment, she sat up straighter and the smile she had made was apparent in her voice. “Wyoming.” He looked up, surprised. “Truth or Dare?”

He thought for a moment before answering. “Dare.” Everyone else groaned - Wyoming had just condemned himself. Tex chuckled, and then laid it on him.

“Prank call the Director.” 


	2. Chapter 2

 

Wyoming smiled. “Can I do a knock-knock joke?” Everyone groaned, and looked to Tex, pleading with their eyes to please, please not give in.

She scoffed. “Of course not, dumbass. That’s a stupid joke, not a prank call.”

Wyoming pouted, and twirled his mustache in thought before responding. “Alright, chaps, I’ve got an idea! It’s top.” He added, and everyone rolled their eyes. He looked up, and said, “FILS, could you call the Director for me?” FILS’ cool female voice answered.

“Of course, Agent Wyoming. I am calling him from your mobile device right now.” He looked down at his phone on the table, which was vibrating and glowing, calling a blocked number. He picked it up with a smile on his face.

The Director was hard at work, overseeing the Freelancer classes and the work being done. He was also thinking about the next mission that the Freelancers were going on - he massaged his temples. Things at Project Freelancer had never been more stressful.

Feeling a vibrating against his leg, he instantly picked up his phone and accepted his call. Whenever somebody bothered to talk to him over the phone, it was something very important. He would never delay it.

“Hello?” He said, as professionally as he could manage.  
  
What came back was of a slightly different manner.

“Knock knock, is your refrigerator running?”

“Who is this?”  
  
“Well, you better go catch it who!” He heard a couple giggles. Sighing, he replied.

“Agent Wyoming?”

“Oh, bollocks, he recognized me, gotta hang u-” After a couple of hastily said words, muffled screams of other people (The other Freelancers, he knew), the sound of the phone flying through the air and a loud clang, and static for ten seconds, his phone read: “Call Ended.” He frowned, and stuck his phone back in his pocket before getting back to work.

* * *

  
Wash giggled. Wyoming’s phone was lying in pieces on the other side of the room, which the Brit deserved after that absolutely terrible prank call. He had laughed so hard when Tex growled and shot the phone out of his hands with a shotgun nobody had known she had.

Now he was looking around expectantly, watching for CT’s laughing face, or at least her weakly smiling face, or maybe at least her face, but she wasn’t there. He looked down sadly - North probably couldn’t convince her to hang out with them.

Maine looked over at him for a moment, and growled: “ _Are you alright_?” Wash shook his head, and leaned closer to whisper to him.

“I just kinda wish that CT was here, you know?”

Maine nodded, and then turned away when Wyoming came over from the other side of the room and sat down with the sad remains of his phone in his lap. “Alright, chaps.” He looked around, and then said: “Maine, truth or dare?”

Maine growled.

Wash realized he would have to be Maine’s translator all night, and made a small frown, but answered anyway. “Truth.”

Wyoming thought for a moment, and then came up with an evil idea, which was apparent by the look on his face. “Maine,” He said innocently, “Tell us the story of the happiest moment of your life.” Others might have seen it as sentimental, or nice, or cute, but Wash certainly didn’t. It meant he had to listen to and translate an entire story for the rest of the group.

  
He glared at Wyoming, who smiled gleefully back and twirled his mustache.

Then Maine started to growl, and Wash listened to his story until he was done. At the end, he was smiling. It was a really nice story. He opened his mouth to tell it, but Maine growled again.

“ _Hey. Just because Wyoming said I have to tell everyone else my story doesn’t mean they have to understand it_.”

From the blush on Maine’s cheeks, he could tell that Maine didn’t really want the others to know.

Wash and Maine turned back to the others, and Wash had a smug smirk on his face. There was silence for a second, and then:

“Well?!” South wasn’t going to be patient.

Wash’s smug smile was shining. “You heard him.”

South narrowed her eyes. “We don’t fucking understand him, dumbass!”

Wash shrugged. “Doesn’t mean I have to translate. Wyoming didn’t say that everyone had to know what he was saying. Besides, Maine thinks it’s private, so it’s private.”

Maine nodded, and started to growl in the beginning of his dare, but South cut him off.

“Hey Wash, truth or dare?” He gave her a funny look.

“It’s not your turn.”

“Too bad. Truth or Dare, motherfucker?”

Wash considered it, oblivious to Maine’s arms waving around, trying to get him to say no by making various types of X’s with his arms.  
  
“Truth,” Wash said decisively, his cautious tone of voice showing the copious amount of thought that had gone into his decision. Maine huffed and put his head in his hands.

South smirked. “Tell us what Maine said.”

Wash looked lost. “Wait, you can do that?”

“Yeah, you dumb fuck.”

He pouted. “But I promised to keep it secret!”

She scoffed. “You picked truth. Now tell me what he said, you bitch.”

“Fine. You don’t have to call me a bitch, though.”

Maine didn’t look happy at all.

Wash began Maine’s happy story. “Well, you know that one time we all had a movie night after... um, after that time that will not be named-” Tex smirked - “And everyone fell asleep together?” Everyone else nodded.

“Well, Maine was awake, being a creepster and watching us sleep-” Maine smiled and swatted Wash’s arm - “And he said that was his happiest moment because he felt like part of a family for the first time.” At this, everyone had sappy smiles on their faces and Maine was blushing more than anyone thought was possible.

Wyoming broke the fond silence.

“Well,” He said, “I certainly didn’t mean for it to get that sentimental. I actually just wanted to pester Wash into telling a long story.” When still nobody said anything, Tex continued.

“Ah, snap out of it, guys. I can’t take any more of this friendship or I think I might explode.”

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Maine grumbled and shook his head, shaking off the happy feelings that had taken over before growling to Wash. 

 

_ “Tex, Truth or Dare?”  _

 

Wash snapped out of his daze, as did everyone else, and relayed the question to Tex who raised her chin and answered. 

 

“Dare.”

 

Maine thought for a while of anything that could scare Tex. After a while, he came up with one with an evil smile.

 

“ _ Tell someone that you legitimately like them.”  _ Wash whistled, and turned to Tex, telling her to do it.

 

Tex shifted in her seat. “That’s more of a truth than a dare, Maine.”

 

Maine smiled again, and then whispered his response to Wash who laughed and told Tex. “So you do admit you actually like somebody in this room?” 

 

Carolina moved and frowned, her posture straightening. She did not like it when people joked around with Tex as if she was part of their group.

 

Tex huffed. “Shut the fuck up, Maine. I’ll go through with your girly dare.”

 

He smirked and leaned back in his chair, waiting.

 

Tex took a breath in, and then let it out slowly. “Carolina.” Carolina looked up at her, a frown etched on her face and a confused look in her eyes. “I respect Carolina. She works hard and takes what she should seriously. I like that.” When she finished, both girls looked away.

 

York smiled. “Look,” He said, “The two cold ass bitches are finally coming together.” Carolina glared at him and punched him in the stomach, leaving him gasping for air. She had a satisfied smile on her face. Tex nodded to her, and then leaned back, stretching and putting her hands behind her head in a very terrifying manner. 

 

“Well,” She breathed, “Now that I’ve been nice to you, you’re going to pay.” 

 

Carolina looked only slightly absolutely terrified, which was a feat.

 

“Truth or motherfucking dare, Carolina?”

 

Carolina lifted her head and looked right into Tex’s helmet, where she supposed her eyes were. “Dare.” She said, the waver in her voice barely noticeable. 

 

Tex chuckled. “Well, I suppose you get it kind of good. I’m really giving you something you’ve always wanted to do, here.” 

 

Carolina narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean?”

 

“I dare you -” Carolina braced herself - “To kiss York.” 

 

York, who was still coughing from Carolina’s punch, looked up, an indignant look on his face but a small gleam in his eyes. Carolina looked as if she wanted to throw up. “What? No!”

 

Everyone else burst out laughing. North responded. “Yes, Carolina, yes.” She glared at him.

 

“No. I’m not doing it.” York frowned bitterly, but he still looked slightly amused although mostly nervous. 

 

Tex sighed. “Can’t turn down a dare,” She said with fake resignation, but a laugh almost audible behind her words. “So I guess you just have to suck it up.”

 

Carolina blushed. York started to laugh, his cheeks very pink, and he covered his face with his hand. South laughed harder.

 

“Look at you two, acting like fucking lovestruck girls!” 

 

York frowned at her. “Hey, I am a very manly man!” 

 

South smirked. “Not denying that you’re lovestruck, I see. Gotcha, motherfucker!”

 

He glared at her. 

 

Tex sighed. “Please, shut up South. I have a much, much better way of - what’s the word? - confirming York’s affections.” She waited a second, the fear on York’s face showing almost embarrassingly well, and then continued. “Delta?” She asked. York’s eyes widened, and he moved to pull Delta, but Wash took the initiative and dove for his arm, knocking it out of the way.

 

York looked at him strangely, his arms being held in a death grip by Wash. “No,” Wash said. “You’re not getting this back until Delta talks.” York frowned.

 

“Delta, deactivate.”

 

Delta, who had just popped up by York’s head, started to disappear, but Tex interrupted. “Delta, stay online.” Delta nodded, and York whined.

 

“Delta!” 

 

“I have been told to stay online. Also, I am curious as to what is going on.” 

 

York sighed. And Tex began.

 

“Delta?” She asked innocently. “On a scale from one to one hundred, how much does York want to kiss Carolina?” Both parties blushed profusely.

 

Delta responded. “Give me one moment to calculate.” York looked absolutely horrified. 

 

“Delta, stop!”

 

Delta didn’t seem to hear him. “On a scale from one to one hundred -” (“DELTA!”) - “Agent York’s want to kiss Agent Carolina ranks as a 99.” 

 

There was complete silence.

 

Carolina raised an eyebrow.

 

York blushed more.

 

Delta continued. “The missing point is because everyone else is in the same room.”

 

York whined more. “Delta!” 

 

Delta didn’t seem perturbed. “I was only giving statistics, Agent York.” After a moment, he added, “And, to use a human term, I ship it.” 

Wash and South squealed only slightly. 

 

Well, the squealing was only slightly. The screaming was more than slight.

 

North was smiling evilly. “Finally,” He whispered, “My ship is almost canon.” 

 

Wash, while screaming, was watching Carolina and York fluster and blush. He was currently dying inside.

 

Tex was smirking. 

 

And Maine and Wyoming were conspiring in the corner, talking quietly to FILS and asking for a few requests, before stealthily sneaking across the room and whispering in the ear of all Freelancers not currently involved in the acting out of the dare. Then, ‘unexpectedly’, the lights went out. 

 

York looked around, but it really was pitch black. He could not see a thing, especially with his left eye. Neither could Carolina. 

 

He got up, a bit disoriented, and said, “Guys?” 

 

He could feel Carolina stand up next to him. She hummed slightly, in confusion, but was otherwise silent. York didn’t trust himself to know the room well enough to get to a light panel without tripping over a table, so he didn’t move. 

 

Then, they heard a voice by the door: Wyoming’s.

 

“Knock knock.” 

 

“Wyoming,” He growled. “What’s going on?” 

 

Wyoming didn’t seem scared at all. “I won’t tell you unless you say who’s there.” 

 

York sighed. “Goddammit, Wyoming. Who’s there?” 

“Not us.” York heard the quiet click of the door shutting, and then the lights came on dimly.

 

Him and Carolina were completely alone in the room. He looked over at her. She did not seem surprised.

 

With a chuckle, he sat down, and they stared at each other in complete silence for a moment.

 

Smooth jazz started to play. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

York turned to Carolina, who was blushing slightly. He chuckled and sat down, rubbing his face. “Those bastards.” 

 

She frowned. “I think they are, possibly, the most annoying people I have ever met.” She laughed, and sat down too. She waited a moment, and then: “You really wanted to kiss me?”

 

York frowned a little. “Yeah. I did.” 

 

Carolina frowned as well. “Why?” 

 

He looked concerned. “Why wouldn’t I? You’re - you’re perfect.”

 

She chuckled. “I’m not perfect.”

 

He looked a little angry, but it wasn’t directed at her. “Yes, you are. You are everything you should be and more. You’re wonderful to look at, to be around. Even if you never, ever loved me back, it would be my pleasure to love you from afar because you’re just so perfect.”

 

She seemed shocked. “York...”

 

He halted. “I - I just - I just think you’re beautiful.”

 

Carolina moved closer to him, not saying anything. She looked down at her hands, as he looked at her face quietly and calmly. Then, her eyes flicked up and met his, before she closed the gap and pressed her lips to his. 

 

He was shocked for only a moment, confused, and then moved his hand so that it was on the back of her neck and pressed closer. York, she duly noted, was an absolutely fucking fantastic kisser, though she would never admit it.

 

They kissed for a long while, but it was quiet and loving. They drew in every inch of each other, feeling tingling in their lips and their souls and fingers that ran up and down each other’s arms and backs.

 

It only stopped when they heard raucous cheering and high-pitched screams outside, which is when they finally stopped. Both of them looked towards the door, confused, before the lights turned back on and all of the group came in screeching. 

 

North was hugging Maine’s arm. “My ship! It is canon!”

 

Wyoming was twirling his mustache more, also squealing. 

 

Wash and South had their arms linked and were jumping up and down, all professionality having disappeared completely. Both of them were screaming at the top of their lungs. 

 

Maine was smiling widely. 

Tex was smiling too, even nobody could see it.

 

York and Carolina’s faces were both very red. Carolina was the first to speak. “Um, why are you screaming?”

 

Wyoming answered, “Why, my dear girl, it’s because you kissed our lad York here!”

 

York looked very, very disturbed. “How do you know that we kissed?”

 

“Because we had a video camera filming what was going on inside the room, of course. We watched everything.”   
  


Both Carolina and York looked very, very, very, very disturbed by this fact.

 

By North’s head, Theta popped up. “North?” He said timidly. “I don’t get it. What’s everybody so excited about?”

 

North seemed amused. “You’ll learn someday, kiddo. But let’s just say Carolina and York are very, very happy right now.” 

 

Fireworks exploded behind Theta’s head. “Okay! See you later!” Theta yelled, and then promptly disappeared. Wash giggled.

A little while later, all rules had completely dissolved. People were randomly truth or daring others and getting no follow-up, and Tex in particular was really frustrated. Finally, she groaned, and looked to North. “Somebody dare him! He’s been getting away with fucking everything and I can’t take it. That motherfucker hasn’t done a single truth or dare yet.” 

 

Everyone turned to North, who looked alarmed, to say the least. Especially since an evil smile was growing on his sister’s face. 

 

“North?” She asked, very deviously.

 

“Yes?” There was an almost indetectable quiver in his voice.

 

“Truth or dare?” 

 

“Truth. I can handle any truth.” North said calmly.

 

South’s smirk almost doubled in size. “Tell them about the Internet Incident.”

 

North’s eyes widened, and he backtracked. “No, no, no, I said dare. I can handle any dare.” 

 

Within a second, North’s own voice was repeated back to him. “Truth. I can handle any truth.” North blinked. “The fu...dge -” Seeing Theta pop up behind him, he rapidly changed his words - “Where did that even come from?” 

 

Wash raised his hand, and then tapped the side of his helmet. “I’ve been recording everything with my helmet. There’s no way in hell I could ever let you guys forget any stupid thing you say or do.” North huffed.

 

“Fine. F...lipping fine. I’ll tell you the story of how my fifteen-year-old heart got broken into tiny little pieces, and then, um, pooped on mercilessly.” He spared a glance at Theta, who seemed oblivious to North’s abrupt saves. “Here begins the story of... the Internet Incident.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

North sighed. “So, I was on the Internet.” 

 

York smiled. “Big surprise, North.” 

 

North glared. “Shut up. Anyway, I was like, fifteen, and on a forum for my favorite show, when this one girl starts talking about my favorite character and why she loved them so much. I messaged her, because she was totally right and Rose  _ is  _ awesome, and then we started chatting privately.” 

 

York wolf-whistled. “Oh,  _ private,  _ was it? Was sort of ‘chatting’ did you guys do?” He winked at North, who glared at him again.

 

“Yes, and once again,  _ shut up.  _ So she was just like me, in every way, and she was so nice and cool and liked all the things that I liked. So every day, she became a regular correspondent, and I would tell her about my life and she would tell me about hers. She was great. I, uh... I sort of fell in love with her, after about six months.” North’s cheeks went very, very red. South giggled.

 

“And so I told her, ‘I’m in love with you’, and she said -”

South cut him off. “SIKE, bitch! Turn around, you gullible shithead.” 

 

North sighed. “So I turn around, and there South is, laughing her a - um, butt off at my broken heart. She catfished me.” 

 

Everyone else broke into peals of laughter, and North blushed. Wash was wheezing, “You - fell - in - love - with South!” 

 

Wyoming chuckled. “Well, that was all jolly and good, but I have a dare for you, Wash.” 

 

Wash wiped his eyes and answered. “Do I even get to pick Truth or Dare?” He broke into a fresh set of giggles, thinking about the most recent truth. 

 

“No, no. I’ve picked for you.” 

 

“You can’t do that.” 

 

“I just did.”

 

“But - what if I wanted to pick Truth?”

 

“Do you?”   
  


“No, but -” 

 

“Well, there is fucking is. Stop your shitty arguing and fucking dare him already, Wyoming!” South sat back in her chair. 

“Alright. My dare is for you to rip up that stupid cat picture that’s in your locker.”

 

Wash was silent for a moment, and then they heard a small sniffle. Then, they heard small whimpers, and everybody felt awkward until suddenly he started to full out cry. 

 

Next to North’s head, Theta started to cry as well. “But - but North, wouldn’t that hurt the kitty?” North glared at Wyoming, and started to comfort Theta.

 

Next to Wash, Maine had come over and picked up Wash, hugging him bone-crushingly hard. He sent a glare over to Wyoming, who tried his best to look innocent.

 

Carolina got up and went over to Wyoming, along with Tex. Both girls looked angry. “What the fuck, Wyoming! You just made two little kids cry!” Carolina shouted. 

 

Wyoming looked overwhelmed. “But Wash is a fully grown adult and Theta is an AI!” 

 

Tex addressed him angrily. “Fuck that, take back your dare!”

 

“But you can’t turn down a dare!”

 

Tex moved aside so Wyoming would have a clear view of Wash. He was curled up on the floor and crying, with York rubbing his back and Maine hugging him and sending more angry glares at Wyoming. Upon seeing that Wyoming’s gaze was on him, Maine gave an angry growl. 

 

Wyoming sighed. “Fine. Washington?” 

 

Wash looked up and sniffed. “W-what?”

 

“I’m changing your dare. You have to... do a double backflip.”

 

Wash nodded. “Okay.” Tex looked approvingly on both boys.

 

Wash slowly got up and walked out into the hallway, and the rest got up and followed. Each glared at Wyoming on their way out, North and Maine especially.

 

When they got to the training room, Wash got on top of one of the training matts. He took  one of the small platforms and moved it into position, and then got on it. “One, two, three.” He jumped off the platform backwards, flipped twice, and landed on his feet. He was a little unbalanced because of his helmet, and then fell backwards. “Ow!”

 

York pointed and laughed. “Loser.”

 

Wash got up, looking sheepish. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. At least I can do a double backflip.” He sounded a little bit better, though. 

 

Tex smiled, and then started to walk back to the recreation room. “Come on, guys. I’ve got a good one for York.” 

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

York trudged back to the recreation room, following after Tex. He wouldn’t say that his heart was filled with dread, but it was probably the closest description of what he was feeling. He didn’t want to be called a pussy, so he’d have to do dare. Truth... he didn’t really want to know what weird crap she’d make him divulge. 

 

When he got there, along with everybody else, the first thing he saw was Tex putting her feet on the table and leaning back in her chair. She chuckled, and his knees felt weak. “So... York. Truth or dare?”

 

York paused a moment, debating whether he should really do it or not, and then answered. “Dare.” York heard a whistle, and turned to see who had done it - North. 

 

“Bad decision, man.” North clapped a hand on his shoulder and walked past York, sitting down and putting his hands behind his head. The others did mostly the same, walking past him and whispering things like ‘Good luck’ and ‘Bitch, you’re gonna die’. 

 

He awaited the verdict, filled with anticipation. Tex finally dropped the bomb. “You’re going to K.M.F... with North, Wash, and Carolina.” 

 

The first thing that York thought was something rather eloquent. 

 

_ Motherfucking shit. Fuck these bitches. Please save me. They all need to eat a bag of dicks. _

 

The three parties in question all sat forward, giving him inquisitive looks, or in Wash’s case, a small curious hum. Carolina was the first to speak. “So, York, what’s the decision?” Her voice was sickly sweet and absolutely sadistic. 

 

_ FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK MYYYYYYYYYYYYYY  LLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEE _ __   
  


There were a couple seconds of silence before North added, “Does anybody want to unfreeze York?” 

 

South stood up and punched York in the arm until he resurfaced and sat down. “Fuck, fine. I’ll do it. First things first, Wash is getting killed. Not even bothering with him.”

 

Wash threw his hands up in the air and sat back. “Figures.” 

 

York thought for a bit. “I guess I’d marry Carolina and... fuck North, then.” 

 

North moved forward, a shiteating smile on his face. “Aw, York, I’m flattered.” York blushed, but didn’t add anything except to scoot a little closer to Carolina. 

 

Tex chuckled. “Care to elaborate? When you fuck North, is it anal or oral?” Maine scoffed and South cackled, but York’s blush only worsened and he shook his head. “Who’s top?” York just continued shaking his head.

 

When he finally spoke, it was directed towards South. “S-South, Truth or dare?”

 

South thought over it for a minute. “Truth.”

 

York arched an eyebrow, confidence seemingly recovered, and continued. “Tell us your guilty pleasure. And if it’s not true, I can have my friend here, North, tell us.” South tried to change the subject a little. 

 

“Oh, ‘friend’? Don’t you mean ‘friend with benefits’?” York waved away the comment. 

 

“Tell us.”

 

She groaned. “Ugh, fine. I, uh... I really like... fuck, I like trashy romance movies.” 

 

There was absolute silence as everybody turned to North, who smirked. “It’s true. Her favorite one is  _ Valentine’s Day _ , and it’s absolutely disgusting.” 

 

Wash and York giggled, followed by a throaty chuckle from Maine, a full on laugh from Wyoming, and violent sniggering from Tex and Carolina. South frowned and crossed her arms, and North joined in the laughter as well. 

 

“Whatever,” she muttered, only drawing more ridicule from the group. 

 

After about two minutes, everything finally died down, and Wyoming wiped a tear from his eye. “We  _ must  _ stop doing such hilarious things or I think I’ll blow a gasket!” 

 

South looked murderous. “Hey Wyoming?” 

 

“Yes, my dear?” 

 

“Could you please just shut the fuck up?” She turned to Wash, who backed away from her glare. “Truth or dare, ya bitch?” 

 

Wash seemed a bit surprised, but complied. “Um, dare.”

 

She smirked - apparently, she had gotten what she wanted. “I dare you to take off your helmet. Nobody has seen you without it before.” At her words, the others thought back, and could find no occasion in which they had actually seen him without a helmet - not even right then. 

 

Wash sighed. “Fine.” 

 

Maine growled happily, and the others seemed excited. They sat forwards, looking with anticipation as Wash reached up and took off his helmet.

 

There were no words. 

 

Wash was just...

 

Too attractive. 

 

He had light brown hair that was short and looked great. His eyes were sea-green, but grayish, and just fucking  _ perfect.  _ He had a really good facial structure, and lips, and just  **damn.**

 

Wash blinked. South was on one of his arms, leaning over with a sultry look on her face that sort of scared him. “Hey, Wash.” In the background, North growled. Wash leaned away, only to bump into Carolina, who was on his other arm. She had taken out her ponytail and was actively trying not to look as if she was interested in him. York grumbled.

 

Then, the door opened up and CT stepped in. “Um, what are you guys doin-” Upon seeing Wash’s face, she was by his side instantly. “Okay, I don’t know what you’re doing, but I’m in on it now.” Her voice was low and obviously meant to be sexy, but Wash was just sort of confused and terrified, so it didn’t quite get the desired effect. 

 

Next to York, Delta popped up. “Hello, York.” He said. Besides the girls, everybody turned to listen to what Delta had to say. “I understand that I am an A.I., and one that has been designated as masculine as well, but may I sit next to Agent Washington as well? Upon analyzation, Agent Washington has shown up to be a solid 10, and my logic states that 10s are irresistible.” York looked at Delta, very skeptical.

 

“D, what are you saying? No, there’s no way in hell I’m going over just so you can lounge over him too.” When he said the word ‘too’, he sounded very sullen. 

 

Delta continued his argument. “Upon looking at your brain waves, I have detected a desire for you to go and sit next to Agent Washington as well, York. Would it not be beneficial for both of us to go and, as you said, ‘lounge over’ him?” 

 

There was absolute silence. York blushed and muttered to Delta, “Go the  _ fuck  _ away, D. Please.” Delta powered down, and everything was totally still. Carolina stared with wide eyes at York, who did the same back to her. Then, she took action. She lunged for his helmet and shoved it back on his head, effectively covering up his face. 

 

“You’re not allowed to take that off anymore, Wash. Too much power.” Wash nodded, and tried to speak, but all that came out was a small squeak which scared off CT and South.

 

Wash squeaked another time, and then looked to CT, who was still seated somewhat close to him. “U-um, truth or dare?” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Chapter 7

CT didn’t hesitate to respond. “Dare.” She said, with a certainty Wash couldn’t help but admire. The problem was, he had not planned anything, and had hoped that she took a while to answer so he could figure it out. In short, he was kinda fucked. 

 

“Oh, um, I, uh...” He really wished that he could stop fumbling and actually come up with something. He really needed a drink right now.

 

A drink... that was it! 

 

“I dare you to steal beer from the kitchens.” He knew it was on the ship because of this one kitchen guy who snuck it on board every time they landed on a planet. 

 

All the guys nodded, humming appreciatively. CT stood up, stretching and cracking her knuckles. “Most important mission of my life. Let’s make it count.” She slid open the door, took a breath, and then darted out. 

 

Not even five minutes later, she came back laden with quite a few cases of beer. Wyoming didn’t hesitate to grab an entire case for himself, and each Freelancer made their way over to grab a bottle.

* * *

 

_ Holy shitballs, they were all really drunk.  _

 

York didn’t know how much time had passed, but it had probably been hours, all full of the dumbest truths and dares he had ever seen in his life, counting his years as a dumb teenager. 

 

He was currently sitting on the couch next to Carolina and North - as South proclaimed, his ‘fuck buddies’. Trying not to reach for another bottle of beer, but almost giving into the temptation. 

 

Tex was probably the only sober one in the group, though the only thing stopping her was probably her absolute refusal to take off her helmet. Either way, a drunk Tex was not something York wanted near him ever. Not ever. Never in a fucking billion years. She’d, like... karate chop him in the balls by accident. Or shoot him in the face. 

 

So, of course, it was Tex who got the group in line again. “Alright, assholes. CT, it’s your turn to truth or dare somebody, and don’t give me any  _ fucking dumb ones  _ like y’all have been doing for the past hours. Or somebody’s gonna get hurt.” To add on to her already menacing tones, she cracked her knuckles, and CT sat up straighter.

 

She turned to Wash. “Yo, Wash, buddy, pal,” She said, words slurring together a little, “Truth or dare?” 

 

He turned slowly to look at her. “Yes.” Carolina, still somewhat sober, sighed in exasperation. 

 

Tex punched him in the shoulder. “Get your shit together, dumbass, or I’ll do it for you.” 

 

He cleared his throat and sat up straighter too. “Dare.” 

 

CT thought on it for a moment before coming to a momentous conclusion. “I dare you to... dye your hair pink.” 

 

There was silence for a moment before Wash said, “Okay.” 

 

York spoke up. “Where are you even gonna get fuckin’ pink hair dye?” 

 

South raised her hand. “If you’ve ever even looked at my hair, asshole, you’ll notice that I have pink hair. Ish. Fuckin’ dumbass prick.” York raised his hands in surrender.

 

“Sorry I asked.” 

 

Tex got up, and dragged Wash up with her. He swayed slightly, but stayed on his feet. South joined them, and they left. 

 

When they came back, Wash’s hair was fucking  _ bubblegum pink,  _ and it was the most beautiful sight York had ever seen. Like, even more beautiful than Carolina. 

 

Wyoming cried for twenty minutes because of how hard he laughed, which was not much of a surprise anymore. 

 

Because Wash’s hair was  _ fucking bubblegum pink!  _ He had  _ literally taken the time and effort to dye his own hair the most ridiculous shade of pink known to mankind.  _ York almost joined Wyoming in his tearful laughter. 

 

Between his guffaws, he chokes out, “That’s a good look for you, Wash.” 

 

Wyoming wiped away a tear. “You look positively foolish! I can’t believe my eyes.” Wash grumbled. 

“We’ll see how hard you’re laughing when I truth or dare you.” He said, crossing his arms. “Truth or dare, bitch?” 

 

Wyoming’s laughter died away. “Dare.” 

 

Wash thought on it for a while, and then laughed. “This is a good one. I dare you... to draw on 479er’s face while she’s sleeping.” Instantly, Wyoming’s face turned white as a sheet, and horror covered his features. 

 

“You can’t be serious.” 

 

Tex responded. “And you can’t turn down a dare.” 

 

Wyoming got up, wiping his hands on his pants and looking around the room for help. “I... alright.” The rest of the crew got up, not wanting to miss it, and made a pitstop at the locker rooms for some shaving cream and markers that Maine kept in his locker. 

 

They arrived in front of the room designated ‘479er’. Wyoming stared at the sign fearfully, before cautiously opening the door and tiptoeing inside. Not wanting to try their luck in this game of life-and-death roulette, everyone else peeked in from the hallway. 

 

Wyoming first uncapped a marker with a small pop that made him flinch, and proceeded to fill in the space between her eyebrows to make it look like a unibrow. When she didn’t wake up, he moved onto her forehead, drawing a vulgar message: “I FUCK CHICKENS.” 

 

She didn’t stir, so he went on to draw dicks on her cheeks and polka-dots everywhere else. Then, once he was done with that, he took the shaving cream and gave it a little shake, popping off the lid. Then, he sprayed a line of cream along her hairline, and then on her jaw to make it look like he had a beard. Feeling a bit more confident, he leaned over to get the far side of her face which was a bit lacking compared to the close side - and dropped the can, watching it clang to the floor. 

 

479er stirred, and the rest of the Freelancers wasted no time in sprinting down the hall as fast as they possibly could. Wyoming stood, frozen in fear, beside her bed. He started to back away when she sat up, touching a hand to her forehead and feeling the shaving cream. With a look of absolute rage, she turned to face Wyoming, who was just trying to slip out into the hallway. 

 

He had no such luck.

 

She leapt out of the bed with a cry of rage, grabbing the first thing she could find - a chair. Wyoming’s eyes widened and he tore through the hallway, shrieking with terror. She chased after him, the chair poised above her head and ready to strike. 

 

Wyoming’s screams echoed all throughout the ship, and the rest of the Freelancers (safe back in the lounge) laughed at how hysteric it sounded. Being drunk, Wyoming was soon caught by the fuming pilot, and his screams consisted of such things: 

 

“OUCH! MY WANG!” 

 

“GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY MUSTACHE!” 

 

“OW! THAT HURT!”   
  
“STOP WALLOPING ME WITH A CHAIR!”   
  


“THIS IS ABUSE!” 

 

By the end of it, even Tex was near tears. Needless to say, Wyoming did not return. 

 

However, their laughs was cut short by the sliding of a door. Everyone’s heads turned to the entrance, and their chuckles died away. Each soldier sat up, and inconspicuously set their beer bottles behind their chairs where hopefully they were hidden from sight. But their subtle tactics were not enough to hide the raucous activities from the eyes of the Director.

 

He stood with a disapproving smile, glaring at each of the Freelancers. “What is going on here?” 

 

Nobody responded, so he continued. “Over the course of this night, I have heard constant yells, screams, and interruptions. I was even interrupted from my work by what seems to be a prank phone call. Not to mention you are all wasting your valuable time to sleep, and disrupting the rest of the staff because of such actions.” 

 

There was silence as each Freelancer’s shoulders slumped, and dread filled the air as they wondered what type of punishment they’d have to endure. 

 

Then, Tex stood up. “You know, Leonard. We’ve been having a lot of fun here, and god knows we need it sometimes. We’re under constant stress. I think that a little game of Truth or Dare is helpful.” 

 

The Director shifted slightly. “What you think is not of consequence - however, your actions are. Such activities will not be allowed aboard this ship.” 

 

Tex sighed. “Don’t you dare say that again, Leonard.” 

 

He met her eyes defiantly. “Such activities  _ will not  _ be allowed aboard this ship, Agent Texas.” 

 

Texas whistled. “And  _ you  _ just took on a dare from Tex, Leonard Church. I’m afraid that means you’re part of this game now. So, I’ve got another dare for you - fuck off. Go fuck off, and do whatever it is you do all day. But leave me, and my friends, alone.” 

 

The Director did not move. Tex spoke again. “I’ll give you ‘till five. One.” She said, holding up her hand in what appeared to be a move to count off the time on her fingers. And then she raised her middle finger. “Two.” She held up her other middle finger. 

 

The door opened and the Director was in the hallway before she even got to three.

 

Each Freelancer sat in silence for a second, and then: “Did you just scare off  _ the Director? _ ” North asked incredulously. 

 

York elbowed him. “That’s not the real question. Did you just call us your  _ friends? _ ” 

 

Tex shrugged. “Well, yes.” 

 

CT whistled. “And we didn’t even have to dare her.” 

 

Tex sat down, and there was a comfortable silence for a little while. Carolina was the first one to break the quiet. “Well, as much as I’d like to stay, it’s getting late and we have training in the morning.” She got up, and York joined her. As they walked out, York turned and gave a two-fingered salute to the rest, and the door shut behind them. They walked out holding hands. 

 

Wash and Maine were next, CT joining them shortly after. North and South left together too, leaving only Tex in the room. She smiled, looking around at the trashed room. It had started out being something she really didn’t want to do - hanging out with the fucktards - but somehow had ended up being kinda... fun.

 

For the first time in a while, Tex went to sleep peacefully, and stayed asleep.

* * *

 

 

And that morning, they were all woken up by Wash’s high-pitched shriek. “ _ Why the FUCK is my hair PINK?!”  _

  
  
  
  



End file.
